Which Side of the Pool Do You Swim In?

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I know I have posted about this song before but my favorite all time song is Ain’t Nobody by Rufus & Chaka Khan and every time I hear that song it moves me like a first kiss, first love or even a wedding day. It’s that strong and it’s that ingrained in my soul. I think music is that important to me anyway and without it, well, I am not sure what would become of me but it would not be pretty.

 

So then I think about it, what is the lesson there? Where do we set our intentions? How do we grow to love or dislike something? It points me to the direction of our childhood and upbringing. So, take for example my love the song, the reason that I love it and music so much is that when I was young, it was my escape. I was able to remove myself from the bad in my childhood and go straight to good and connection and feeling as though I was heard and understood by people like Chaka Khan, James Brown, The Rolling Stones, Diana Ross, George Clinton, and a multitude of others.

 

Let’s just say for a minute that you didn’t have this type of childhood and your connection might be to reading. Your whole family might have read and you were read to as a child and it holds a real warm and comfortable feeling for you. You might have had a family that was musically inclined and they sang and played piano on weekends and overall you just enjoyed being together as a family. There are many forms that a love for music or the arts comes from and so many ways to tell the story.

 

What story are you telling to the world? When you speak about things of past what stories are you telling the most? Are you recanting the bad things that happened in your past or are you giving people hope for the positive spin you have been able to make out of it? A lot of our personality comes from the things we experienced in our past and it’s what makes us who we are. The biggest question I ask my clients is, how are you building on that story? Are you letting a negative experience be your excuse for not moving forward? Are you allowing the lesson from that experience help you help others? Is there a motivation to swim in the negativity of that past? I will say that I am motivated to push my clients to go in the positive end of the pool because swimming in the negativity can only mean we will drown out our relationships, professional progression and our overall experience with future endeavours. So let me guide you into the positive end of the pool and let’s swim. Let’s play water polo, water volleyball, synchronised swimming and just have fun!

 

If you want to hear further about my coaching program just send an e-mail to: lisa@myabsoluteimage.com

Photo by Ajari on Photostream ‘Swimming Pool_006′ in it’s original form.

 

 

Music Makes Me Feel……

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Have you ever listened to a song and it just makes you feel awesome? I mean, when you hear the first notes played you just jump out of a bad mood and really get groovy in your spot? I have a few songs like that and the one that has consistently been that song since it came out is ‘Ain’t Nobody’ by Rufus & Chaka Khan. I mean that song is totally ‘the one’ for me.

It brought me to think about the things that move us. I mean REALLY move us. Do you have something that no matter what mood you’re in it can snap you out of it? Perhaps, not a song but a clip from a movie or a saying that someone special used to say to you? Maybe even a sound that a child used to make or even an adult but it has stuck in your mind as a soothing sound.

Having a ‘go to’ thing is what I am getting at with this input. So many of us have good knowledge of the things that make us tick and really having on hand that little thing that snaps you out of a mood is something to think about. I have my song on my laptop, my ipod and my phone so that I can tap into it whenever I am in a bad mood or feeling stressed. It allows me to have an escape plan for those times.

In past years, when I was younger and not so connected with my self I had no outlet, I really just allowed the bad mood or stress drive me and it never worked out well. I started meditating and doing a regular fitness regimen and found that there was no replacing these things until I connected with my ‘de-stress-go-to-box’. It’s a note on my phone & iPod that reminds me of the songs to play or the meditation to do that will remove this energy from my mind quickly.

I really notice the difference in the last few years since coming up with this de-stress plan. This can even include songs that are empowering, like a song that makes you feel powerful in a time when you aren’t feeling so empowered. I have some righteous songs too. I have some that connect me with my nationality, and I don’t mean songs that are patriotic but more like songs that allow me to connect with that ‘hometown’ feeling. They might not even make sense listening to them that they would do that but it’s OK whatever songs connect you to an energy that you want to tap into, THAT is the key.

This is a small tip, especially for my invisible survivors, but can be quite empowering for everyone. I hope it helps in some way for you to reconnect with the positive energy for you to ignite the sparkle within. Because we all have the fundamental right to sparkle! Have a great day and add your comments, even the songs you like and that inspire wonderful things.

www.lisapattenden.com

5 Habits That Are Keeping Your Business A Secret

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1. Hiding from opportunities (You might not even be hearing the opportunities that are presenting themselves to you)

You get that phone call from your friend saying she has an extra ticket to this ‘thing’ and she really thinks it would be right for you because of the ‘type’ of people that are going to be there. She ‘gets’ your business and your message and what you are offering, if anyone knows who you need to meet it’s her. You decide you are put off by the weather outside and a little tired and you pass on the offer. She calls you the next day to report how it would have been a great opportunity for you because there were 3 people that were your ideal client in the mix.

When a friend or business connection tells you ‘you should be there’ don’t run away! Run as fast as you can to fit that in! I can’t tell you how many times I have heard the words ‘if only I had her/his luck’ It’s about seizing the opportunities so don’t put off a social engagement to practice telling people what your thing is.

Get out there and be in the race for your success!

2. Believing the naysayers (Dump the toxic people, including your toxic inner voice)

Yup, been there done that! I have had so many people who could not believe I was trading my highly skilled job in aviation to (what were their words?) ‘Go save the world’. Those people didn’t GET what I was doing. Funny thing is, now, when I meet up with them they wonder who I am because I have defined my role and owned my gift to the point where it is effortless and I am not trying to convince anyone that I can do it, I know I can.

If you have someone in your life that is bringing you down about your business, and they are, either, your partner or your family stop them and ask them to be kind and know that you just want their support and will not listen to the negative press. Tell them you want a cheerleader not a wet rag. I know that is harsh but hey, you gotta tell them! If it’s a casual friend then slowly remove yourself from their life.

3. Ignoring your bad habits (Are you guilty of surfing the time away?)

OK, I know this will get me a lot of grief but it must be said, Facebook is a time sucker!!!! You must know what I mean, get on to check real quick and see if anyone has messaged you and then 2 hours goes by and you’ve missed your deadline. You find out that you missed an appointment that you meant to make etc. etc. etc.

Schedule your time with social media. If you find that you are wasting time with that stuff then start scheduling your posts through something like HootSuite.

It has to be done, you know that it is another excuse to procrastinate and you really don’t need to waste your creative flow on those areas. Get out of your own way and make it happen.

4. Jealousy of the success of others (even though they don’t even do what you do!)

It happens to the best of us, we look and see someone doing really well and we wonder how the heck they got there! Well, the difference between you and them, they didn’t compare themselves to others, they just moved along in their path. So this is the time to say it, NO ONE can deliver YOUR business only YOU can. So keep away from the jealousy mode and know that you are your business. If someone is doing the ‘same thing’ they don’t, if you think there is another person copying you, remember it’s the best form of flattery. Remember that your success doesn’t come from being jealous of others it comes from you doing your thing, so get to it! Go do it! Shine beautiful human, shine!

5. Not moving out of your own way! (Time to step off your path and walk on)

I was guilty of it too. I chose to sit on the couch with my boy and watch t.v. because it was me doing ‘family time’. I was having family time every day! Who was I kidding? I was wasting my most productive time when I could have been doing some work, I was standing in my own way of success.

You see I made a promise to myself that it was action time. Time to get moving on this awesome business and when I made that choice I started making better choices on time management. You have to schedule in the time because starting out on your business is hard work.

We all have heard the saying, when you go into business for yourself your boss can be the biggest roadblock to your success depending on how they work you! So make the choice to be the best boss you ever had and tell everyone about your business. Write constructive posts that point people towards you being the leading expert in your field. Put it out there and watch the people start running to you for your unique offering. Let your inner sparkle shine!

Lisa Pattenden

Managing Director & Owner at My Absolute Image

I coach women who are survivors of breast cancer to connect with their confidence and connect with the world again.I specialise in working with the invisible survivor, the one that has disconnected with the world and doesn’t feel quite the same about life as before treatment started. I help the invisible survivor shine and sparkle again.

www.lisapattenden.com

Lost? Confused? Disconnected? Feeling Invisible?

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So, do you ever catch yourself thinking while in the middle of a fight with the man you love about him coming rushing back from the heated walk out the door with a rush of passion, apologies and flowers?  I can’t tell you how many time I have had that fantasy but it never happened. Time and time again my husband would have a huge outburst of anger at me about something really ridiculous and walk out on me and disappear for days on end. Sometimes he would come home and stay in the guest bedroom but he would not speak to me for at least 3-4 days.

The times I can count that we had such conflict are more than I can really count, it’s over a couple of dozen times. My husband had me conditioned after a while, conditioned to submit myself to selling out and not standing up for myself. Each time he came back to talk to me he would TELL me what was going to happen and never give a passionate request for forgiveness for his part in the fight.

If I could go over the many times that I found myself apologizing to him for what my part may have been in the dispute I could not tell you the number because it would be over a dozen as well. I can tell you that he apologized to me twice and it was usually when things were so bad that he knew I was done and ready to move on.

So, you might be asking what my point is? Well, it’s these types of things that become hindsight for us. You see, I couldn’t see the issue when I was in it but now that I am removed from the marriage, I can see the manipulation and mental abuse that was going on. Please understand that I don’t regret that I went through it because all of the events that happened in my life made me who I am today. The reason to report this is to ask you, do you see a pattern of yourself slowly allowing a bullying/mentally abusive husband to take away your sparkle? Do you feel very removed from who you were previous to the problems in your relationship?

If you feel that you have lost yourself and you are a very disconnected from who you really are take steps to reconnect with you! So, you might ask, Lisa, what do you suggest? I have a couple of suggestions to get you started.

1. Take a course in NLP, do you know what NLP is? It is a wonderful technique called Neuro-Linguistic Programming. It is used by many motivational speakers, like Tony Robbins, NLP is a short term goal-orientated and practical therapeutic approach to problem solving. Whatever problem you have.

2. Get involved in your own personal development. There are so many programs out there for all types and if you can’t find something that fits for you try resources like: www.meetup.com or www.internations.org  These are great places to get connected with like minded people and for little to no money. You just tap in the hobby you might have left while going through life or a group of people in your age group that might want to just go meet up. No matter the subject, you can find one that will fit you.

3. Start journaling. Have you ever kept a journal? Some ideas if you have never done so?  You can write a letter to yourself once a week. Maybe write as if you are talking to your younger self as advice to the future. Another thing is just a reporting of what happened that day. The thing that helped me move forward from my toxic relationship was reviewing things I had written before and realizing that I was consistently having the same issues with my marriage no matter what adjustments I had made to myself or the way I reacted to situations.

4. Invest in yourself!!! Take some time to go on a spa day with a friend. Find a women’s retreat to go on and invest in you! I can’t tell you how much it recharges you to get connected with other women and to really value yourself in that way.

I’ve given you just a few of the tips that I give my clients and you can think of many more, I am sure! If you have some tips, please post them in the comments below. As usual, I want you to go out there and sparkle and shine so make today the day of awesome, and then make all your tomorrows extra awesome to!

www.lisapattenden.com

Attachment Types, What Is It All About?

My Professional shot

I just finished reading an article, in the Daily Mail, based on Attached by Amir Levene and Rachel Heller and I am really seeing a lot of information about the types of attachments people hold in relationships.

So there are three types: Secure, Avoider, and Anxious. I looked through the meanings of each type and find I would be classed as a Secure attachment person but I realize that it hasn’t always been that way for me. I remember a time when I was quite the anxious one. I wonder how much this attachment pattern can fluctuate over a life time and how it applies from each generation of ‘coming of age’ flows.

I realize that with age has come my relaxation mode. I have been a lot less stressed out about the little things, realizing of course, that they are all little things. I wonder how many avoiders and anxious ones are out there constantly struggling in a relationship. The article seems to point out some interesting things but it also fails to point out the few things that I have brought up, is there room for one to change? Do we always fit into the category chosen or can someone just ‘grow out of’ a type?

I think that if the world was full of avoiders and anxious ones then would we not be filled with a really difficult society? I mean more difficult than it is already? I am not sure what to think about the excerpt given in this article. I find that perhaps it will speak loudly to those that want validity in their behaviour in relationships but I’m not so sure that it resonates with what I have witnessed in relationships and the strength that I have seen. Maybe there should be a few more types added? Or this excerpt has not touched on all of them? I just find it hard to believe that in all the research there was only three types found to be true for relationships.

Have a look at the article and let me know what you think. As always, feel free to comment below or post questions if you have them. Go out there and be awesome!

Article: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1392213/How-love-need-Knowing-attachment-type-key-making-relationships-last.html 

www.lisapattenden.com

Confidence When Travelling

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Yeah, I know, where did that subject come from? Well, in my past life I was an aviation engineer and I did a lot of traveling, I mean a lot! I put in 150,000 flying miles on my frequent flyer account in 16 months time. So, I thought it was sensible for me to post a little tip to give you some confidence when flying.

Now, a low of people share horror stories about their trips but the little things that make life easy and great on a trip are the few and far between stories you hear. So, I thought I would share with you a few things that I do to make my trip easier as well as the an easy transition when you arrive to your destination, in case anything goes wrong. I have back up plans for everything and it’s so automatic that I don’t even realise I do it until someone points it out.

So, here goes, when you are packing and you want to have the right stuff in case your luggage gets lost (I am of the mindset that if I am prepared for it to be lost, it won’t get lost) so no need to panic just go with me on this one. Get a large ziploc (freezer bag size) and put a pair of underwear, a travel size deodorant, a travel toothbrush and travel toothpaste. Carry that in your carry on bag. Of course those are the basic things, if you need to have other things in case of loss of luggage by all means make sure you put them in your carry on. I also can’t rave enough about this great little thing I got in Heathrow Airport Duty Free. It’s a small travel size container which you can put your perfume/cologne in. Now, if you don’t have a spray bottle of the scent of choice it might not work so well but here it is: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Travalo-Refill-Travel-Perfume-Atomizer/dp/B002FQKKBQ/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1389278307&sr=8-2-fkmr0&keywords=travel+size+perfume+atomiser+spray+not+glass

This little piece of magic is responsible for saving me so much money in perfume being bought when security made me chuck it in the rubbish bin and boy did I cry like a baby! Get one and fill it with your favourite scent. Let’s talk electricity! I have many gadgets that I ALWAYS take with me on trips and it is just set up in my bag at all times so I never even think about it until someone on my business trip points out how handy I am to have these little things. I’ll list them below:

  1. Plug converter for EU/UK/USA depending where you are travelling too. The large universal ones are fine but I will say, in the EU, if you have one, it is difficult to plug into a lot of the hotel outlets due to the volume of stuff they have plugged in as well.
  2. A USB car lighter charger, so this is just a car lighter input that has a USB port on it and allows you to charge your gadget in your car. This is really handy if you forget your other charging plug.
  3. Always pack a packet of your normal meds. For example, I always have ibuprofen and my migraine meds in case there is a chance that I have issues, I don’t have to translate medicines at the pharmacy!
  4. Take Nu’un with you, you may never have heard of it but it has blessed me with avoiding sickness at all cost! This stuff is an electrolyte replenesher that runners use after marathons. It has all the vitamins one needs to ‘re-charge’. So what does that mean for you? It means that if you add this little fizzy tablet to your bottle of water and drink it, you can charge your body up with the strength to avoid sickness that might be traveling with you enroute. I take one every day for avoidance of becoming sick and for energy. I was also told by a hungover colleague that it was amazing for hangovers! So look Nu’un up on Amazon and order some, they come in all flavours and I never leave home without them.
  5. Sunglasses, you know, it may not be winter where you’re going or it may rain a lot where you live but may be sunny most days where you are going. I can’t tell you enough how many people say, ‘damn I forgot my sunglasses and its really bright here!’ Just pack away a cheap pair and have them on stand-by, just in case!
  6. travel size hair dryer (if applicable) hotels usually have them but I have come across times where I was staying with friends and there is no hair dryer. So be warned ;)
  7. Pack travel size toiletries in your carry on, I can’t impress this enough, you might find you have to go without if you don’t have something to hold you over.
  8. Pack by days, map out the outfits you plan to wear and look at what you have laid out. Lots of times we, as women, tend to over pack. Well, think about ways you can optimise outfits by interchanging tops and bottoms. This can downsize the amount of items you are packing a lot.
  9. If you have books to read, consider loading the app Kindle for your phone. I can’t tell you how back breaking it is to have to carry all these gadgets when you are on the run. If you have a light load then pack your Kindle but if it’s feeling a bit over the top, download the app and load the books you want to read on it.
  10. Bring a pen and a small notebook to write, if you find you get bored sitting around it’s helpful to have something to jot notes in and to have the ability to journal your adventures in too! Nothing big, something that will fit in your pocket.

If I were to tell you about the tricks I use to be comfortable in an airport you might thank me for the inside information. There are certain airports that I have a lot of knowledge on but I won’t detail that here. I will just say, look at your app search on your phone and look for airport lounges. Find a free app, one I use Priority Pass as one, and download it. Look for your airport and find the lounges that are in them. If you go to them and they are a part of the airline you are flying there is most likely a way you can get in, use a great smile, repoire and be confident you will be able to walk right in.

I have bought memberships but at a really low cost and now that I have a lot of flyer miles I am able to go in free. There is tons of food, free wifi and entertainment at most of these lounges. So get out there and spread your wings! I hope this little bit of information has helped and that it hasn’t detracted too much from my normal topic. I walk confidently through the airports when I travel because I know I am prepared, make sure you are walking tall as well. Do you have any tips? How about telling us about them in the comments below? Go out there and be awesome!

www.lisapattenden.com

Instead of Resolutions, I Create A Theme for Each New Year

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So, I was walking along the Southbank in London and an ITV reporter came up to me to ask what my New Years Resolution was for 2014. I told her that I don’t make resolutions because I find that I tend to beat myself up for not achieving them so instead I create a theme for the year.

Last year was my year of awesome and I had no idea what it would turn into but wow, what a year it was! I definitely found so much awesome that I had no idea what I had put up for myself. How was I to know that I would not only find so many awesome things to do but I was able to really connect with what made me feel awesome and how to portray that inner awesome out to others I meet. I was asked, time and time again, by people who would meet me for an appointment ‘how will I know which one you are?’ Every time I was asked this I responded with, ‘look for the lady with a sparkly smile.’ I was always found.

In 2013, I was able to create a feeling within that can only be described as finding my inner awesome which then had a symptom of sparkling. So, the question then asked is, how do I top last years theme? Well, now that I have found my inner awesome and have managed to sparkle my way to have a very successful coaching business I found myself thinking, I need to get moving and be in action to really top last year. So after a bit of thinking and word relation on my big pad of paper, I came up with the theme of Action, the Just DO IT year! No more thinking about and discussing but just getting out there and doing what I do best, help women be seen and heard and to step out and be the awesome I know they can be.

People always say to me that I have a very welcoming smile and I feel that is my entry point, my way to get connected to the women that I help. If I can break down the barriers with just a smile then I am definitely feeling good about my actions. So, the just do it year is going to be all about action and getting things done and making this the best year ever. What type of year do you have planned ahead? Did you make a resolution? Create a dream board? Perhaps you were cautious because of the implications when you don’t carry through? Why not create a theme for the year and stick to that? I found it quite easy. If you have any questions, feel free to comment in the comments below. As always, have a wonderful day and go out there and be awesome!

www.lisapattenden.com